Serious question this.
I like cumming, who doesn't, but I am not a big fan of getting oral sex.
When I masturbate, I tend to just watch lots of porn. Either in my head or on my phone, depending on what I am in the mood for. I watch lots of little clips, because they have the most action (I really don't care about the 'storyline', most of them give me the ick) or compilations because they are nothing but action.
I might do this for ten or fifteen minutes and then get the wand out. And put it on my clit. When I get to the point where I might cum, I edge myself and pull back, still watching the porn. Since I hit menopause I have had to relearn where my pleasure comes from and what makes it truly rock so edging is how I get to have those rolling orgasms that just don't seem to want to stop.
The best thing about masturbating though is that it is something that I do. I can break off and type a post if I think about it and get back to it, or I can hyperfixate on one aspect or one video. I can take my time, because my pleasure is in my hands and it is not responsible for someone else's sexual self worth. Or mine. I don't have to worry that I am taking too long or that my brain wandered off and got distracted by something shiny. (To demonstrate this point, I took a break from writing this post about here to go and masturbate. Then I had food. Then I answered emails. Now I am back.)
When someone is going down on me, I mean, when a man is going down on me, it can be really good and nothing to do with his technique, but it will generally take me ages to cum. We have been sold oral as a prelude to the act, not something to enjoy for itself. It has been sold to men as something that they do to 'earn' getting their dick wet. And that puts pressure on me. Because I have been socialised to please men. I grew up with images of women making sure there is a hot meal on the table when he gets home from work. I have been socialised to not be demanding, to see asking for what I want as demanding. I have been socialised to think that men are doing me a favour by going down on me and the best thing I can do is not be too much of a bother and cum quickly so he doesn't have to do very much. I have been socialised to feel GRATEFUL when he does do it.
By fuck the bar is low and yet they still seem to find a way to pole vault under it.
Then there are the men I have been with who say that it is their "favourite thing to do". They are insistent that you just "lie back baby, let me take care of this". Gives me the fucking ick. Because they are not responding to your body, your wants, your needs. They are responding to their own egos so they can show off. "Yeah, I always do it, she doesn't even have to ask, do you?"
I am no longer throwing those men a parade. It wouldn't help anyway because they would be down there, licking away, in the wrong spot (I once told a man to go a bit higher to be told that it was ok, he got this. Sir, you did not got this. You were not even close) and I would be wondering where to get cheap crepe paper for the floats.
You see, it is likely that I have ADHD. This means that I can focus on things for a Very Long Time, but also that I can be distracted by OOH SHINY WHAT IS THIS?? Or if I don't concentrate, I find my mind wondering and have to stop myself answering the question, "How does that feel?" with something like "Did you know that the plural of moose is moosog as it is originally an Algonquin word?"
And I have a feeling that this is the main reason I am a top with women. I will eat that kitty like it is my favourite meal. Savouring it, making sure that the woman it is attached to is having a good time. Listening to her breathing, the movement of her body, the position she is trying to get into to make things feel better. I will ask her how that feels, without her being under any pressure to say good if it doesn't, I will tell her how beautiful her vulva is, I will make her feel like I am doing this because we both want it. We will communicate and I will hyperfixate on making sure we are both having a good time.
If she wants to take a turn (notice I did not say repay - this isn't a fucking transaction, it is sex) I will allow it but she will be told that it is unlikely that I will cum like this. I am more likely to cum from scissoring with her, looking her in the eye as we both cum.
When we are having a cwtch, I will be fine (more than fine) with her instigating things, but I will be the one who takes over and takes the lead. I love it, but also it will stop me thinking about what we were just watching.
I am a top. But is that because I have ADHD? I would love to know if my experience resonates with you or if you are neurodivergent and have a different take on things. Either way, the comments are open so we can talk about it. All are welcome here.
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