We Need to Talk About Joanne - Discussion Monday

Content Warning for Transphobia, Violence and Suicide

We need to talk about Joanne do we?

Well, actually, we don't. She gets talked about enough I think. Her and her friends who think that the existence of transness undermines women. Erases a woman's identity. Puts her at risk of assault in public toilets, and in shelters for abused women. Women's spaces in general. Apparently, according to Joanne and her twisted faced, hate filled, bullshit peddler friends, everywhere that women gather will be infiltrated by men who pretend to be women to gain access to 'real' women. 

Ugh.

We have heard so much about Joanne and her ilk, I am bored of giving them oxygen if I am honest, so let's not. Let us instead talk about the people they have targeted. 

Trans people are people. Human beings who are entitled to safety, respect and to be left the fuck alone. Do you know what they are not? 

Predators. They are not hanging around women's spaces waiting to pounce. That would be men. Men who have never ever had to pretend to be women to gain access to women's spaces for nefarious means. Also, though there are men who do like to abuse women, they generally have a specific woman to groom and abuse so don't need to go trawling women's shelters for them. 

Pretending to be women. They are women. How do we know? They told us. And that, my pedigree chums, should be enough. For if we don't believe that trans women are women, then how are we to believe that Assigned Female at Birth (AFAB) women are women? Or men? Or non binary? Honestly, there is no point to putting yourself up for this amount of shit unless you are sure of who you are. And even if you are not. 

I went by the name Dennis for three years when I was a teenager. Teachers, everyone called me Dennis. It was on all my school books and then, aged 15, I decided that actually, whereas I didn't feel like a girl, I didn't feel like a boy either so went back to my birth name. Years later, I changed all my names. I chose ones I liked and that I felt suited who I was and who I wanted to be. Only my horrible blood relatives still dead name me. People who have known me since I was a wee enby got it right straight away. No one was harmed, I expect few people remember. Everyone just went about their lives. As it should be. 

Oh, trans people are not trying to indoctrinate your kids either. We might be making sure they feel less alone and have the language to either describe their own situation with gender or support someone else who might be struggling but that is because trans people are obviously the Big Bad who want your children to feel valued. If you think talking to a drag queen is going to turn the frogs gay (and your children) then you are an idiot and it says more about your idiocy than it does their danger.

There is so much stupidity that occurs in the discourse around trans people that I wonder how they find their own asses with two hands and a map, and that would be fine if they weren't hurting anyone. But they are. They are hurting lots of people. 

The rise of people thinking Gay Panic (which is not a legal defence by the way) is ok if the trans person has not disclosed. Regardless of the videos of beaten people who did and got the shit kicked out of them.

The forcing people back into the closet. Which is harmful for mental and physical health and is actually just a really shitty thing to so to people.

The hounding from social media. Again, Shitty behaviour. 

Actual murder of 375 trans people in 2021. A number which keeps rising even though we are told things are getting better. And so many of us are lost to suicide. So many. Too many.

In the interim since writing this, two 15 year olds murdered a 16 year old girl called Brianna Ghey. She was marked for death for being trans.  She had her whole life ahead of her and because of shitty people like Joanne, will be laid to rest misgendered and mis named. It will literally be her dead name. 

So we are afraid, and despite that fear, we still walk the streets. I have a pronoun badge because even though I could 'pass' (ugh) as a woman, I bloody well am not one. Not completely. And that matters. 

So Joanne and her crew of hateful harpies can think what they want and say what they like, but if you don't mind, could you do it over... there somewhere. Where children can't hear you. Because, unlike trans people, the danger is real. The danger is you. 

IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE TO TALK TO. 

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Am I a Top or Do I Just Have ADHD? - Discussion Monday

Serious question this. 

I like cumming, who doesn't, but I am not a big fan of getting oral sex. 

When I masturbate, I tend to just watch lots of porn. Either in my head or on my phone, depending on what I am in the mood for. I watch lots of little clips, because they have the most action (I really don't care about the 'storyline', most of them give me the ick) or compilations because they are nothing but action. 

I might do this for ten or fifteen minutes and then get the wand out. And put it on my clit. When I get to the point where I might cum, I edge myself and pull back, still watching the porn. Since I hit menopause I have had to relearn where my pleasure comes from and what makes it truly rock so edging is how I get to have those rolling orgasms that just don't seem to want to stop. 

The best thing about masturbating though is that it is something that I do. I can break off and type a post if I think about it and get back to it, or I can hyperfixate on one aspect or one video. I can take my time, because my pleasure is in my hands and it is not responsible for someone else's sexual self worth. Or mine. I don't have to worry that I am taking too long or that my brain wandered off and got distracted by something shiny. (To demonstrate this point, I took a break from writing this post about here to go and masturbate. Then I had food. Then I answered emails. Now I am back.)

When someone is going down on me, I mean, when a man is going down on me, it can be really good and nothing to do with his technique, but it will generally take me ages to cum. We have been sold oral as a prelude to the act, not something to enjoy for itself. It has been sold to men as something that they do to 'earn' getting their dick wet. And that puts pressure on me. Because I have been socialised to please men. I grew up with images of women making sure there is a hot meal on the table when he gets home from work. I have been socialised to not be demanding, to see asking for what I want as demanding. I have been socialised to think that men are doing me a favour by going down on me and the best thing I can do is not be too much of a bother and cum quickly so he doesn't have to do very much. I have been socialised to feel GRATEFUL when he does do it. 

By fuck the bar is low and yet they still seem to find a way to pole vault under it.

Then there are the men I have been with who say that it is their "favourite thing to do". They are insistent that you just "lie back baby, let me take care of this". Gives me the fucking ick. Because they are not responding to your body, your wants, your needs. They are responding to their own egos so they can show off. "Yeah, I always do it, she doesn't even have to ask, do you?"

I am no longer throwing those men a parade. It wouldn't help anyway because they would be down there, licking away, in the wrong spot (I once told a man to go a bit higher to be told that it was ok, he got this. Sir, you did not got this. You were not even close) and I would be wondering where to get cheap crepe paper for the floats.

You see, it is likely that I have ADHD. This means that I can focus on things for a Very Long Time, but also that I can be distracted by OOH SHINY WHAT IS THIS?? Or if I don't concentrate, I find my mind wondering and have to stop myself answering the question, "How does that feel?" with something like "Did you know that the plural of moose is moosog as it is originally an Algonquin word?"

And I have a feeling that this is the main reason I am a top with women. I will eat that kitty like it is my favourite meal. Savouring it, making sure that the woman it is attached to is having a good time. Listening to her breathing, the movement of her body, the position she is trying to get into to make things feel better. I will ask her how that feels, without her being under any pressure to say good if it doesn't, I will tell her how beautiful her vulva is, I will make her feel like I am doing this because we both want it. We will communicate and I will hyperfixate on making sure we are both having a good time.

If she wants to take a turn (notice I did not say repay - this isn't a fucking transaction, it is sex) I will allow it but she will be told that it is unlikely that I will cum like this. I am more likely to cum from scissoring with her, looking her in the eye as we both cum. 

When we are having a cwtch, I will be fine (more than fine) with her instigating things, but I will be the one who takes over and takes the lead. I love it, but also it will stop me thinking about what we were just watching. 

I am a top. But is that because I have ADHD? I would love to know if my experience resonates with you or if you are neurodivergent and have a different take on things. Either way, the comments are open so we can talk about it. All are welcome here.

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