I love my body, I really do. I spent more years than I actually want to admit to abusing it, ignoring it and taking it for granted.
My body used to run. Not far, not fast, but it did it and I felt good about it. My body used to kickbox. It would spin and kick and punch and spend all day in the gym toning and conditioning itself.
My body used to walk ten kilometres because it was a nice day and who wants to spend that on a bus?
My body danced all night, and walked home afterwards.
My body once walked from Birmingham to Stratford Upon Avon because I spent my train fare on beer.
My body used to fuck all night. It could get into any position you asked of it and would grin at you. It could wrestle with you, that glorious wrestling that led to primal, growling, biting fucking.
My body used to.
Now, it keeps me alive and that is about all it does. No, that is unfair to it. My body cannot run, but it can tell me when I need to rest some more. My body cannot walk far, but it can get me to the bathroom. My body cannot dance all night now but it can still feel music.
My body cannot fuck all night, and when it fucks at all, it is going to feel it the next day. So does that mean that I no longer have sex? No, no it does not. It means that sex is different now that I am disabled and as such I am learning how my body loves again.
And it is so much fun. For example. Before, I could jump on a cock and ride it for ages. It was one of my favourite things to do. Now, I can still get up there (just) but I have to take my time. I can't just push him onto his back and roll on, now I tell him, "get on your back" and I kiss all over his face, neck and torso while I position myself. Now, instead of sliding right down, while I adjust my hips to make them as comfortable as they can be, I hover, I take just the tip of him inside me. I order him to keep still and take my time sliding up and down. I might put some lube on before I do it telling him I'm getting ready for his cock. That anticipation and slower pace is proving to be quite the thing.
We can still do missionary, but for not as long as we once did. I use a series of movements with my hands to show him what I want. If I put them on his shoulders or biceps, it means ease off a bit, if I grab his (very lovely) arse, it means go for it. When my hips or legs have had enough of this, I whisper "cum for me" in his ear.
Doggy style is still doable, especially on the stairs as I can control what angle I am at and how I am most comfortable. If we get it right, my body and I, we can shout things like HARDER! FUCK ME! and of course, for us, it is close to the bathroom so if I have enough spoons to shower straight away I can sit on my stool and let him piss on me then cum on me, the shower taking care of the clean up and fresh bedding is put on the bed while I am in there as I am going to need to sleep.
I can still do group stuff, but I have to rest and save energy ahead of time and rest and replenish energy afterwards. Group stuff is easy as I am passed around like currency, but I get to stay pretty much in one position.
Just stay away from my nipples unless I tell you to play with them. My new nervous system does not like them even being perceived 99% of the time.
I did, when I first lost mobility and embraced the chronic pain and fatigue that my impairments bring, mourn my new lack of spontaneity, but actually, I now masturbate in front of SH on the days that touch that isn't mine is too much, give him more blow jobs than ever before and watch him masturbate as I read to him from this blog. He especially likes the corset one.
So my sex life isn't bad, it is just different, and just as importantly, SH understands that and loves the changes that have had to happen. If you are with someone who says that they wish things could go back to the way they were rather than helping you relearn what your body likes and incorporating that into your sex life, bin them. I'm serious. They do not deserve you and you deserve better.
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